Articles
Hair Pulling: Your most powerful tool.
03-02-08
Take her pride!
Your submissive's hair is probably the most powerful tool you have - both from a psychological and a physical point of view. The many layers, aspects and effects of it easily equal those of bondage or spanking for example.
There is pain, there is humiliation, there is training, there is mindset, there is fear, there is sadism and there is a lot more, so here we go with a subject that requires and deserves attention.
Historical aspects and "social conditioning"
Allow us to start with a bit of history, because there are some elements here that may be of interest to you. For example the fact that ancient slave owners were usually very specific about the hair. Female slaves were almost always required to grow their hair long for example. And to wear it loose, which has long been - and in some cultures still is - considered to be a symbol of submission or a symbol of unacceptable (read "lusty") sexual behavior.
Many religions - including christianity - for a long time (some still do) required women to cover their hair, because it is considered to be a symbol of sexuality.
One classic punishment for women - that has been around probably ever since mankind has been around - is to either shave the head or simply pull the hair out (something that was very popular during the Middle Ages). And of course there is the stereotype of cavemen dragging their women behind them by the hair. In other words, there is lot to the female hair.
Post World War II Europe in fact has experienced a widespread outburst of public hair-related punishment, known as "the collaborator haircut". Women - accused of having had a relationship with a German soldier - were publicly punished (usually by outraged crowds). Their heads were shaved and they were next paraded through the the recently liberated cities and villages. It got to the point where hairdressers and shops would have signs in their shop windows, stating that no wigs, hats or other head-covers would be sold to these women and often the punishment was "completed" by painting or tarring the victims' head, so the hair would only grow back very slowly and she would be forced to endure the shame for a long time. Northern Ireland - during the times when the "troubles" (the fight between protestants and catholics) were at their peak in the 1960's and 1970's - has seen similar forms of punishment with women - accused of having a relationship with "the opposite side" - being tied to lampposts, shaved and tarred and left alone until someone would have the courage to release them.
The common denominator in all social, legal and religious "ado" about the female hair is that it is her pride. Take it away or at least force her to either cover it or wear it in a specific way and you take away her pride or at least point her to the fact that she's not supposed to be proud. Such motivations of course all do not belong in an erotic power exchange context, but the bottom line is that the female hair is a powerful thing that can be used in many ways, when it comes to erotic power exchange.
In fact, most men will remember their schooldays and especially the effects of pulling hair. None of us ever fully understood that at that age, but men all know that they were both surprised and attracted by the powerful emotions and responses, whenever they grabbed a ponytail or a braid.
Basic instincts
Everyone who has ever been in an erotic power exchange scene will know that as soon as the dominant grabs the hair of his submissive some very basic instincts will emerge quickly. You do not have to fully understand it to know that grabbing her by the hair is - almost always - the right thing to do to push her into subspace almost instantly. Most women associate this gesture with force, power, forced sex, abduction and rape. That is because her hair indeed is both her pride as well as her most vulnerable spot - usually a lot more vulnerable and personal than her genital area. Grab the hair and it gets really personal. Very personal!!!
If that is the response - and it usually is - it is always by definition a subject that dominants should look into, understand about and learn to work and play with. Well, that is exactly what this section is about. And there is a lot to learn, discover and explore. Most importantly, we will quickly get to the psychology of all of this and "the art of psychological domming".
a word of warning:
When it comes to the hair things are best compared to Shibari. It all may look simple and superficial - from a psychological/mental point of view it is not. Quite a bit of what we will describe here has a huge mental impact and may very well lead you to reconsidering the concept of consent. As always, you don't HAVE to do this .... you CAN. It is up to the two of you if you WANT to.
The hair as a symbol of submission
There are various ways in which you can use her hair to turn it into a symbol of submission. Almost all women are very specific about their hair, its color and style. Yes, it is a personal affair. So one thing a dom might think about is to interfere with exactly that, for example by changing her hair color and or style or length to what HE wants it to be.
Change her hair color and she will have no option but to show her submissiveness anytime, all the time. Not that everybody will notice that, the important thing is SHE does. Once your blond partner has been turned into a flaming redhead for example, she'll have no escape route anymore. Every time she looks in the mirror, every time someone makes a remark about her hair color, every time she sees herself in a shop window she'll be reminded of the reasons why she's now red an no longer blond. And that is only one example. Change her style and things may become even more powerful. Her hair is no longer hers, hence an important part of her personality and image is no longer hers.
Powerful psychological doming in an online situation
Many are in what is known as virtual relationships. Due to the fact that you're only just starting, have no other options or are simply forced to long distance for example. And it is certainly not easy to keep that exciting and bring an element of "reality". The hair may come to the rescue here, as this real life example of slave X may show.
Slave X, a submissive in her early phases of recognition and exploration and coached by an online mentor, had a lot of "control issues" which led her mentor to believe there was more to her submissive role and that she was holding back emotions and maybe traumatic experiences. Some of that soon came out by simply talking about it, but it became apparent that if it were possible to create some sort of "no escape situation", that this would help her to open up. So the mentor ordered her to pay a visit to the hairdresser with a few specific and dramatic instructions: her shoulder long hair was to be diminished to a mere one inch length and the color was to change from dark blond to black. Of course her next step was to pay a visit to the photo shop immediately afterwards, have a digitized picture taken and send that to the mentor.
It was a dramatic Saturday with a lot of tears and difficulty, but ever since she became a lot more honest, predominantly towards herself and coping with "issues from the past" became less difficult, since she now knew she had no escape anymore and that things like these could be done in a consensual way and - no matter how dramatic - could be fun and exciting as well. In less dramatic ways the hair can be used as a symbol as well. For example by ordering your slave to wear her hair in a specific way during a scene. Most doms will prefer a pony tail (sexy and practical) but - for example if your are into age play or old fashioned spanking role play - the hairdo can dramatically improve your scene. Think pigtails and braids for example. If you - dominant - order your slave to do her hair in a specific way prior to active play you are doing a lot of psychological things, some of which will have an almost hypnotic effect:
* By preparing herself for a scene it becomes clear to her that nothing is or can be taken for granted and that she will have to actively DO something before she is allowed to show and enjoy her submission.
* You are giving a powerful signal about "things to come".
* The scene itself will gain gravity and momentum, hence a relatively simple thing as doing her hair gets an almost spiritual/ritual meaning.
* You create an extra moment for inspection and/or correction if you are into that and in general her role becomes more intense to her, even before active play starts.
Lead her into submission
We told you that you would get po the point where you would have to re-evaluate the meaning of consent. Whenever we are talking domination we are talking serious domination. Not the "oh you want that, okay, i'll do only that" type of domination, which is fine if you are into that, but which is considered role play and not exactly lifestyle oriented domination. While we're not advocating to freely cross boundaries and ignore her completely, the general assumption is that if and when a slave wishes to submit, she should do exactly that. The hair offers great opportunities to drive that point home. |
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